Must See TV

Not to be deter by the lack of true TV, my new favorite village activity is creating my own primetime line-up of programs. Which actually rivals some of the legit 'reality' series passing for entertainment these days. Here are some of my most watched favorites.

What Not to Wear: I'm sure many of you have lost sleep wondering what what happened to all of those neon tracksuits of the late 1980s. Despite their continued popularity among high school gym teachers, there simply isn't a market in America for all that indestructible nylon. But there are willing buyers aplenty in Zambia. Most of the Western clothes in country come via DAPPs, essentially thrift stores stocked with all the donated treasures that second hand shops couldn't sell. Yep, these are the duds that the Salvation Army rejected. Stacy and Clinton would have a field day. Besides the ubiquitous track suit, there's always plenty of t-shirts to amuse. Boy bands and pro wrestlers are staples for teenagers. Seems boys in the States aren't keen on having more desirable boys emblazoned across their chests. Others announce the wearer's relationship requirements - "No Money, No Honey" - or personal accomplishments - "I'm an honors students at Hooters" (seen on a girl of about 5). Another popular look is the hood of a ski jacket. Just the hood, snapped and tied. And no true fashionista would be complete without a holographic belt buckle. Bigger is better bu the image matters too. Obama, Tupac, Tom Cruise - all winking and flexing from the pelvises of Zambia like so many magical Harry Potter pictures.

The Truman Show: In the made-for-TV Zambia version of this Jim Carrey classic, I'm the one on view 24/7. Only no artistic director in a black beret is commanding a legion of staffers to accommodate my every need. If you never brought the concept that people could be mesmerized by one person's daily routine, you should meet my village. I get water every day, wash the dishes, sweep the yard but you wouldn't know it for the audience. Now if I could only find that door in the sky...

Kids Say the Darnest Things: Zambia could have kept this show on the air for decades. The communication barriers between me and the 20-or-so little rascals who hang around my house every day are substantial (basically I have the vocabulary of a slightly slow 2-year-old). Still they never fail to amuse me when I do manage to decipher the mile a minute babble emerging from their mouths. Often it is to tell me that I am committing some drastic error in my daily chores. "Kamizhi those socks are not clean" "Kamizhi you didn't wash the bottom of your pot" "Kamizhi you are sweeping your yard in the wrong direction." My response of "It's clean enough" elicits stares as though arms just sprouted from my head and a resigned "Oh Kamizhi." Nothing beats being schooled by a first grader in hygiene. Just like in America imagination games provide hours of fun. My kids have mastered the "Beep beep beep" back-up sound made by the Belga trucks working on the road. They've also constructed an elaborate network of sand highways in my (poorly swept) front yard. When my yard was filled with materials for building a kinzanga (a traditional gazebo for cooking and entertaining), the kids promptly erected the tallest pole and christening it "MTN" - the cell phone tower that was recently constructed on the road.

So You Think You Can Dance?: Answer in Zambia, yes. Everyone, male or female, young or old, has the ability to dance the pants off of just about 3/4 of the populace of the States. And they dance. Dancing is part of weddings, church (where they often dance their tithe up to the basket), school activities and just everyday life. It almost makes you wonder if they are dancing so much just to make this chronically uncoordinated American feel woefully inadequate. But no, talks with other PCVs confirm, Zambians just love to dance. I've gotten a few offers to be taught and may give it a try but I'm not predicting any competitions in my future.

So there you have it, my substitute boob tube entertainment. So far everything been signed on for the fall but time will tell if any pilots challenge the ratings for next seaon.